Learn to say ‘no’ — to yourself. Don’t keep wearing high heels if you hate them; don’t keep smoking if you’re disgusted by the way you smell the morning after; stop wasting entire days on your couch if you’re going to complain about missing the sun.
Anonymous asked: What exactly is coercive rape? Does it mean that literally any attempt at trying to convince someone to have sex with you is rape? Kinda lost here
Coercive rape is pushing someone to have sex when they don’t express enthusiastic consent. My definition is that it’s essentially all forms of rape that don’t involve physical force and where the victim is conscious and sober.
It could mean someone not wanting sex and then the other person going “Please please please come on just this once come on I promise you’ll like it please please please” and so on until the person finally gives in just to make them stop.
It could mean someone with power over someone else pushing sex on them in a way that causes them to say yes out of fear of repercussion, like a boss with one of their workers, a prison guard with a prisoner, a professor with a student, a privileged person with an oppressed minority person, etc.
It could mean using guilt to coerce them into sex, things like “But you’ve said no the last 5 times I’ve asked” or “You just say no because you want to punish me” or “You wouldn’t say no if you really loved me” and so on.
It could mean that threats were made that made the person feel unsafe in saying “No” It could be something like “I’ll hurt you/your family/your friends/your kids if you don’t let me” or “If you want to stay with this company you will do this for me” or “If you don’t sleep with me I’ll send everyone those photos/tell everyone this private information about you/make your life a living hell” etc.
Basically, consensual sex requires authentic, enthusiastic consent from BOTH parties. Rape occurs when that consent is lacking from one person.
It is important to reiterate the message that a coerced “yes” is not a true yes. It is important because most rape does not involve physical force. A lot does, but not the majority. And a lot of rapists get away with their crimes because their victims were not physically forced to have sex, or because their victim eventually said yes after pressure or threats or because of a fear of retaliation, and most people don’t see that as rape. But it is.
Coercive rape IS rape and it is a crime.
"I know you are sick but sex will make you feel better."
"My other girlfriend let me put it in her butt."
"Why are you so mean to me? I just want to make you feel good."
- Things I’ve Heard from a Former Boyfriend.
The same guy who told me I was ugly in red lipstick, the same guy who cheated on me repeatedly, the same guy who was shocked when I finally left him. It’s important to remember that someone who doesn’t care about your body/emotions will typically make this apparent in multiple ways.
Sidenote: I still don’t like red lipstick.
My rapist told me it wasn’t rape because it wasn’t violent.
He also told me it wasn’t rape because he didn’t do it out of anger.
The last time I saw him he spent a good 10-20 minutes trying to convince me to have sex with him while I just stood there quiet hoping he would go away.
I’m reblogging this here because I know he’ll see it. And I really hope that one day, after getting the help he needs and after learning to respect not only women but other people in general, he’ll understand the seriousness and consequences of his actions towards me.
i had a boyfriend try to get me to have sex, even though i didn’t feel like it. after i had already said no, he repeatedly asked and tried to convince me. later i told him that i didn’t like it when he tried to convince me to have sex after i had already said no, he was being coercive. he said he was sorry for a minute, but then later he told me what an asshole i made him feel like and made me apologize to him. if anyone tries to make you feel like you are wrong for putting up boundaries and not wanting to be raped FUCKING GET AWAY FROM THEM
There is NEVER anything wrong with putting up boundaries or saying no! Anyone that ever tells you that you have “boundary issues” just because you don’t want to have sex or engage in sexual situations with them is a jack ass and frankly THEY ARE THE ONE WITH BOUNDARY ISSUES FOR NOT RESPECTING ANOTHER PERSONS BOUNDARIES! Let me re state that, IF YOU TRY TO MAKE SOMEONE ELSE FEEL BADLY ABOUT THEIR OWN PERSONAL BOUNDARIES THEN YOU ARE A FUCKING ASSHOLE AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO ACTUALLY HAS BOUNDARIES ISSUE!
And it is still coercive even if they hide behind pretty words
"oh my god you’re so beautiful!" *Just because they say this or compliment you does not automatically give them the right to start touching you without asking! Or to ignore when you stay stop or no or that you are uncomfortable.
"Why are you afraid of sex? It isn’t wrong."
*Sex isn’t wrong but pressuring people is and using that statement as a way of coercing another person into having sex IS WRONG!
I could rant for days about this. This is terrible and shouldn’t happen anywhere or to anyone but it does happen….even in our town and to our friends and it is awful…